Bitter Holiday Candy Leftovers
Posted in Annoyed with tags Collage, History, Humor, Pedophile joke, Pictures, Stand Up Comedy, Valentines Day, Video on February 17, 2012 by Digg Johnson
Proper Talkin’
Posted in Pissed Off with tags Comedy, communication, Culture, Humor, race, speech, therapy on January 25, 2012 by Digg Johnson
Remembering Dr. King
Posted in Pride? with tags Comedy, Dr. Martin Luther Ling Junior, Humor, King Holiday, MLK, Pictures on January 16, 2012 by Digg JohnsonAn optimist:
A man of love:
The Gift of Giving
Posted in Pride? with tags books, Christmas, Comedy, Family, Gifts, Holidays, Humor, Presents, Stand Up Comedy on December 31, 2011 by Digg JohnsonHappy Holiday’s! I got you another collage!
.. you wanted the new Call of Duty? …
This video is just as good!
Holiday Heckles
Posted in Annoyed with tags Comedy, FUNNY, Humor, Montage, Selling Out, Stand Up Comedy, Video on December 30, 2011 by Digg Johnson
Questions of Race
Posted in Annoyed with tags Culture, Interracial, n-word, Political Correctness, race on November 29, 2011 by Digg JohnsonEven though I present a hardcore thuggish swag, I have friends of many backgrounds.
Gangsta
Of course many are White – they’re everywhere. Many are comics trying to gauge racial sensitivity. Some have asked me, “How can I use … the N-word … around Black people … and NOT offend them?”
I … don’t think … you can. If I had to guess, … I’d say … QUIETLY!
We listenin'
I gave it more thought. There is one situation where this can be done:
IF …
… you caught your stepmother …
ORALLY gratifying a young Black man …
in the back of a NEW Navigator …
that she BOUGHT him …
with the insurance money …
from your Dad’s DEATH …
DURING his wake!
You can SCREAM “nigger”!
If …
SHE’S Black …
Ain't no Claire Huxtable
… and the stereo is bumpin’ SO loud they CAN’T hear you.
Play it safe – call her a C-word.
Whitney? Why?
Posted in Shocked with tags Comedy, lame, NBC, Sitcom, TV, Whitney Cummings on November 19, 2011 by Digg JohnsonWatched the new NBC sitcom Whitney for the first time last night. It was INSPIRING! If this hella-hack shit can get on TV, I’ve got a series in my future!
The episode “Clarence” was their latest – so they should’ve gotten near their funny groove having done 7 previous episodes. Not really. They may need 70 more.
Premise: Whitney and boyfriend want a puppy to prove their commitment. Twist: since they’re unmarried they have to get an old dog – Clarence. You know, because there’s only ONE place per city to get a puppy!
He’s sickly, can’t play fetch and drops horrific farts. Pay-off: The dog dies after a day and they return to status quo. Lesson: Whitney would make a great hospice nurse.
FUCKING HILARIOUS!
Sitcom funny comes from a character failing in an ordinary situation because of their flaws or creating an outlandish circumstance because of their flaws. You need to be extreme, you BOOGER-BITING RETARD!
Boyfriend gets puppy, but Whitney treats it like a neglectful parent because that’s how she was raised. The puppy is crying to be walked, but Whitney is watching a movie and doesn’t want to leave. She dangles a treat while the dog runs on a treadmill. “You’re looking a little chubby, greedy. Gimme another mile.”
But what do I know? I’m not dating any network execs.
Herman Cain the Pot calls the Kettle Racist
Posted in Annoyed with tags 2012 Election, Conservative, Godfather, GOP, Herman Cain, Pizza, racism, Republican, Super Mario Bros. on November 14, 2011 by Digg JohnsonI don’t like Herman Cain. Not because he’s Black. Many of my best friends are Black – for example BOTH my parents.
Cain cries about “racist liberals”. There’s been talk of Jon Stewart doing a stereotypical sambo impression of Herman using his Jew Humor powers. If you do a spot on impersonation of this candidate, and it comes off as an idiot with a southern accent, I gotta say MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What’s typical about Cain is racial hypocrisy. Let’s not forget that he was the president of Godfather Pizza. Michael Corleone owned casinos with restaurants, but in three movies the Don NEVER made a deep dish Meat-Lovers with extra cheese!
Nintendo’s Mario and Luigi were plumbers. Cain would open Mario Brothers Gynecology Clinic.
A gown-wearing woman lies with her legs in stirrups. Mario jumps on the table *Ha Ha* then stands on her vagina. “Here we go!” he says as he sinks into it with the drain going *glug-glug-glug*. Mario enters a dark pink cave. He jumps on little yellow yeast gumbas, earning coins to raise her co-pay (Cain is a conservative).
The final boss is a giant Human Papillomavirus spiting warts at our hero.
This is his solution to healthcare.
London Everything is Falling Down
Posted in Shocked with tags Civil Unrest, Crime, Dr. Who, Humor, Law Enforcement, London Riots, Satire, United Kingdom on August 13, 2011 by Digg JohnsonAnyone who’s seen A Clockwork Orange like me isn’t surprised by the London Riots. These blokes have always fancied a bit of the olde ULTRA-VIOLENCE. Last week thousands did a tad of the olde IN-OUT-IN-OUT, into boutiques and out with an ace fit pair of dungarees, as store clerks politely stood aside to avoid a KERFUFFLE.
Its been reported that SIX HUNDRED have been charged for violence, looting and general BARMY BEASTLINESS. Seventeen hundred have been arrested, keeping courts open 24/7. Dementors were released to control the crowd and were effective in robbing looters of the joy of their plunder. Still, Azkaban prison will be lodging muggles for the first time and is estimated to become overcrowded in a fortnight.
This was all sparked by the shooting death of Mark Duggan, whom was suspected of carrying a gun to avenge the stabbing of a rapper cousin. US law enforcement experts believe this was the CRUCIAL mistake.
“The Brits seek to prevent street crime rather than let Blacks handle it themselves. Then, they could leave murders frighteningly unsolved and claim to need more funding,” NO ONE publicly said.
The motivation to right this murder was OF COURSE lost in the rioting. Looters were heard blaming their outrage on anything. Some blame the increasing decline in the quality of crumpets – and the unavailability of organic brands. Others have decried the switch from geek hottie Dr. Who David Tennant to FUGLY CHANGELING Matt Smith.
What a Bitchy View
Posted in Annoyed with tags Adolescent, Argument, Bill Maher, Commentary, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, FUNNY, news, Television, The View on November 16, 2011 by Digg JohnsonI enjoy comedy. I like competition. I LOVE pretty fools trying to act smart.
So, I was ENGORGED with DELIGHT after watching this clip from yesterday’s episode of The View when Liz Hasselbeck ambushed Bill Maher.
Veteran political commentator stand up comic versus former reality show contestant turned Fox News Anchor wannabe: WHO WILL WIN?
Let’s check the game-tape and pause at the time marks.
(0:17) I dig the new set design – no homo.
(0:26) What?! No hugs or handshakes? Either they know somethin’s goin’ down or all the ladies have the same cycle – although only two still have cycles.
(:45) *guy greeting* Hey, how you doin?
*shrill female reply* You KNOW how I’m doing.
*balls retract in reflex* Bill actually leans forward to make room under his bladder.
(1:18) Maher gets the crowd on his side, Stand Up 101. Sincere? Maybe. Shrewd? DEFINITELY. Liz has to wait after the applause die to strike. It’s already an uphill battle for her.
(2:09) So … Liz is “defending” women … by bringing up an obscure joke … from a YEAR and a HALF ago … that makes fun of her. Yeah, this isn’t personal.
(2:20) Wasn’t that funny? Well … it JUST GOT A LAUGH!
(3:00) Barbara prompted Joy to explain comedy to the Liz. Her own team is against her. Sherri just glad she don’t have to talk.
(3:26) Bill answers honestly and doesn’t need to say “BITCH, if you could understand a joke I prolly wouldn’t have cracked on ya!” A subtle subtext.
(3:40) Since Liz works with Whoopi and Joy, she knows funny. One of them should have told her that the least funny jokes are jokes about you - IF you’re bein’ a CUNT.
(3:56) Bill wins back the fun mood by joking on the situation but Liz brings it back down again with her yammering. If you can’t win with home field advantage, you REALLY suck – ask the Detroit Lions.
(4:12) “I’m not [hurt] Billy.” *from the pit of my stomach* Ugh!
(5:16) Republicans aren’t dumb. Like you’re so smart! Whatevs … ANYWAY! How old are you? You’re like … SO old!
(5:27) Whoopi’s done with this shit and so are we. Notice she winked at Bill. Somebody’s gettin’ some prune danish after the show
[Bloggers Note: No blondes were hurt in the recording of this clip. She hurt herself]
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